Sailor Moon: Sad Eyes Hotaru's Blighted Past
by Seiya Kousagi
Summary: Hotaru's character was developed only a little bit on screen... but what really goes through her mind?


Sailor Moon: Sad Eyes - Hotaru's Blighted Past  
  
August 15, 1998  
  
I can remember the days when my mother would visit my father at his office at Infinity University. I often think about what those days would have been like if they had only lasted longer than they did. I can recall a time when my father was on the brink of a great discovery. His research had just been approved for study, and he was in the midst of establishing his research group.  
  
=Flashback=  
  
"You're so cute," Keiko said, picking the baby up in her arms and cradling her. "My little Hotaru, I hope you grow up one day to be pretty and smart like your mother," Souichi said, caressing the child's face. "Dr. Tomoe, one of your students is here to see you," Kaori said, entering his office quietly. "Keiko, I'd like you to meet my new secretary - Kaori Hino," he said, introducing the ladies. They bowed slightly and smiled at each other. "I'll see you two later," Souichi said, kissing his baby on her forehead and his wife on the cheek as they left. Sitting in her favorite living room chair, Keiko held Hotaru close, looking at her innocent face from a distance. "Your father is a famous scientist," Keiko said as she held her baby close to her. "He's currently studying the chemistry of ancient worlds in deep space," she continued. Hotaru looked up at her mother very curiously, as if she were able to understand the words coming out of her mother's mouth. "His group is on the brink of a great discovery," Keiko continued.  
  
"How are things with you, Kaori? I hope you like it here with us. We're still getting settled ourselves. The university has only recently accepted my grant to fund the research we're pursuing. They said you have been following my work, somewhat," Dr. Tomoe began. "Yes, Professor. I've taken a great interest in your research," Kaori replied, brushing her long, black hair out of her face. "Have you any children, Miss Hino?" Dr. Tomoe asked. Kaori nodded, picking up the picture of her daughter on the desk. "Please, call me Kaori. Her name is Rei," Kaori replied. "She turned three last week, she looks just like me her grandfather says," she continued, brushing her hand over the picture of her smiling daughter. "Children are so wonderful, aren't they Kaori?" Dr. Tomoe asked, smiling. "They are, indeed. It's a little hard for us to get by sometimes though, with her father being a very active political figure," "I'd bet so," Dr. Tomoe said. "The girls should play together, sometime. I think they would enjoy each other's company, and find friends in one another," "Dr. Tomoe, I'd be honored," Kaori replied, smiling. "We want you to feel at home here, Kaori," Dr. Tomoe said, placing his hand on her shoulder.  
  
=Hotaru's Diary=  
  
August 18, 1998  
  
Rei never knew her mother. I never told her, either. I never felt it was my place. The soldiers of the inner solar system have their own ways about them. Haruka, the others, and I would keep mostly to ourselves. Even after the accident, we lived in my home, taking care of my father. Everything happened so fast, with the Death Busters invasion and all. Nothing was ever the same after that attack. My whole world, my entire life was turned upside down. it had been a few years since that first visit I recalled when my father came in from school one day to hear my mother's announcements.  
  
=Flashback=  
  
"Have you seen the news, Souichi?" Keiko said as Souichi walked into their home, closing the door behind him. "Not lately, why?" he replied. "A group of scientists from Infinity claimed to have found life in another world, another planet or galaxy. something in the far reaches of space. They haven't been able to deny it, and they have been able to verify that water is present where this life force was thought to be," Keiko explained. Souichi sat at his desk, browsing the Internet for news articles. As he found one, he shook his head in disbelief. "Keiko, I think our day has come!" "Daddy, what's going on?" I asked him. "You'll soon see, my little firefly," he exclaimed.  
  
=Hotaru's Diary=  
  
I always was his "little firefly". How I got that nickname, I'm still not sure, but the excitement in my father's voice that day was something to certainly be remembered. My mother shared in his excitement, even though she was barely able to comprehend any of it. Her studies were focused on different areas than his. My father had recently drawn up plans for and completed the design of a machine that would allow him to see into the vast depths that space had to offer via a recently launched governmental satellite. It was the closest thing anyone had developed short of the means of being there.  
  
=Flashback=  
  
"Distinguished colleagues, what we're about to see is conclusive proof that life exists outside of Earth. This day which we have longed for is finally here," Dr. Tomoe began. "Please come closer to get a better view. Hotaru, don't lean too hard on the glass," he continued.  
  
The depths of space slowly became visible in the viewing sphere below us. A white light flickered in a rhythmic pattern, a definite sign that someone, or something, was indeed there. My father's hypothesis was correct in all of its assumptions.  
  
Something was also terribly wrong though. I could feel it in my bones. Suddenly, the white flashes became very fast, and concentrated in the center of the viewing sphere.  
  
"Daddy!" I called out, but he didn't hear. He turned around just as the sphere shattered and the laboratory exploded, killing everyone around us but my father. In my last breaths, I saw my mother crying and screaming my name. then I passed out. Gerumatou approached my father, and made him an offer he couldn't resist - my life restored as long as we would do his bidding. My father would do anything for me, and he agreed to the terms.  
  
=Hotaru's Diary=  
  
Kaori was also resurrected, and took a new form. Her hair, now red, flowed from her roots to her waist. She became increasingly cold toward me - abusive even - only wanting to please my father and win his love. His love would never be won, no matter how possessed he was. He knew who he loved, and who he always would love.  
  
They became ruthless and cold, and I was helplessly sucked into this plot. As injured as I was from the first explosion, I wore clothes that kept my scars pretty well hidden. No one wanted to associate with me. I would have fainting spells, spastic fits. no one would know what was wrong with me. I became the pawn of the Death Busters more and more as time went on. I developed this power I never knew I had, nor could I control it. I would absent-mindedly hurt people - fellow classmates, even. Girls would seek each other out after school to do their homework together, but I would walk home alone. I would walk home by myself, to find Kaori. Kaori would never say or do anything nice for me. I had one purpose in her eyes. My father became increasingly distant.  
  
Eventually, I became Sailor Saturn and learned to control my abilities. Kaori was killed after I was possessed. Sailor Moon says I struck her down. My father was severly injured once the Death Busters were defeated in the Omega Zone once and for all.  
December 31, 1998  
  
I am not only the White Moon Soldier Sailor Saturn, I am still Hotaru Tomoe. While I could never forget my real past, my family would always remain dear to me. I wish I could have seen what once could have been. I often wonder what it would have been like. to be almost sixteen, and still have my mother by my side. I miss my father, too. If I marry, Haruka has told me she will walk me down the aisle. I've made a lot of friends, yes. It's times like this, holidays, special occasions. I can't help but wonder. are they up there somewhere, looking down on me? Have they seen what I've really become? I miss you so much Mommy and Daddy. I love you. 


End file.
